


Surreal

by MyVantilene



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-16
Updated: 2012-09-16
Packaged: 2017-11-14 09:04:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/513572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyVantilene/pseuds/MyVantilene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This version of you has probably never cursed the filthy sludge running through his veins, or stayed awake at night wondering why he was the way he was, and what made him different, and what would his friends think if they knew? You were pathetic and your greatest fear was everyone figuring it out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Surreal

It's surreal, seeing Kankri's mouth move and your voice come out, but with all the wrong words. You feel a mix between flabbergast and momentary, unbridled weakness as he plows on, either completely ignorant to your palpable distress, or completely apathetic, despite his insistence that he could stop at any moment if you feel the least bit uncomfortable. You're not quite sure, however, if you truly want him to stop. You're stuck listening to him, mesmerized with sick fascination and appalling shock. He's you, and you've hated every version of yourself ever since you first established a sense of self, and discovered the many, many things there were to hate. But his eyes are blank and white, and they're not yours they're his, and he's the you that's from an Alternian paradise, where the worst that can really become of you is a life full of coddling or a life with others flaunting their superiority. That is so much better than being burned at the stake, or shot with arrows, or stoned, or fed to a lusus, or even slavery. This version of you has probably never cursed the filthy sludge running through his veins, or stayed awake at night wondering why he was the way he was, and what made him different, and what would his friends think if they knew? You were pathetic and your greatest fear was everyone figuring it out.

But that is not you, Kankri seems fully intent on letting everyone know just how pathetic he is, and he doesn't even need that ugly red sweater or his ugly red blood to do it, all he has to do is talk. And, man, does he talk, and man, is it surreal to watch him.

Surrealism turns to fear once the both of you spot Porrim. When you see her stride up next to him, you want to run, and run quickly. She absolutely terrifies you. Talking to an almost complete opposite of you was a bit of an odd experience, a learning experience as well since he has this disillusion that you're his apprentice, but an opposite Kanaya is picturesque insanity. The last thing you need is a crazy incarnation of your dear friend asking where she can find more booze through a greasily flirtatious voice.

Of course, you really shouldn't have the right to judge, and to judge so off base, too. From the moment she starts to talk, you realize her voice still carries the same warmth as Kanaya's and that there is clearly nothing in her system because her eyes are bright white and she is evidently dead. It is impossible for the deceased to become intoxicated, trust you, if you had a boondollar for every time Eridan has tried, you'd probably be able to offer up a wager not even Lord English could refuse. Maybe if you had that money to offer him, you could convince him to leave you and the rest of your friends alone.

As Porrim goes on talking to Kankri, you almost want to say something to her. She's like Kanaya, but without the formal guard. Don't get you wrong, Kanaya's one of the easiest people to talk to… when you're alone. And there are even some instances where even her extreme patience runs out. Namely, a few human months ago. She doesn't want to hear it anymore, not when she can talk to Rose all day instead of listening to whatever garbage your think-pan decides to spew.

Is it wrong to say you miss her when she's so close?

And what is this other you's problem? Why is he so indignant about pet names of all things?

Oh, yeah. You kind of figure it out when they both sneak a side-glance in your direction.

As obnoxious and ungrateful as he is, he's still your ancestor, what you're positive Dave called a human older brother. You suppose that gives him some authority over you, which may or may not be going to his head, and that may or may not be the reason you haven't snuck out of his lecture just yet.

So Kankri is indignant about pet names on your behalf.

This is somehow unsurprising.

Porrim's voice is really soothing.

Well, yeah, it's basically Kanaya's voice, but you haven't heard her this calm since before the game. You resist the urge to envelope her in a hug. You realize that would be pretty inappropriate, considering the circumstances. Maybe you'll be able to get one from your Kanaya if her mood ever improves.

Porrim leaves in a huff, obviously offended by another of Kankri's "circumspections." You're kind of disappointed you weren't able to say anything to her before she left, but then Kankri picks up where he left off and all you can hear is white, hot noise. Man, do you hate him and his ignorant words.

After a while, Latula shows up.

You're kind of absolutely taken at the sight of her.

So this is Terezi's ancestor, the one you've heard so much about. You think she's alright, better than average look-wise, you'd say.

But then she opens her mouth.

Terezi doesn't have a very soothing voice like Kanaya's to begin with, but at least she doesn't try to be insufferably high-pitched like Latula. And then you throw in Z's at the end of words they don't belong to, and restatements of being a gamer girl in almost every sentence… it just drives you up the belfry.

But then you stop listening to Latula, and start listening to Kankri just for the sake of not listening to Latula, and you realize something.

The way he talks about you and Terezi's relationship is dripping with wistful emotions his tone cannot subjugate.

It gives you a bit of a shock, though it really shouldn't, and you can see how an obnoxious, pathetic, alternate version of you would be attracted to an annoying, crazed, alternate version of her. Not that you aren't pathetic, and she isn't crazed, it's just in an alternate universe, it seems much more horrifying. Their grub would be the most insufferable abomination to ever walk the dreambubbles.

Since they've had an eternity together, they're understandably farther along in their relationship than you and Terezi —

"She and Karkat have a different relationship from the one we have. Theirs is much more turbulent, which is fueled presumably by romantic tension. I'm picking up on some major vascillation vibes from their situation. It's kind of unfortunate, but it makes me grateful that we never got to that point."

Your world absolutely breaks.

Yes, you understand that Kankri is not you and Latula is in no way Terezi, but the prospect of it being true on a different plane of existence is still as grotesque to you as an appendage bent the wrong way.

And Kankri is still talking, still going on about how glad he is that they never went that way with their relationship, still lying through his teeth, and oh no. He's moved on and now he's going on and on about things he's noticed about her that no one else has. Could he be any more obvious?

Things are deafeningly quiet on Latula's end.

You want to throw up this is making you so sick. Sometimes you feel this way when Terezi talks to Dave, but it's never been this bad for you. You're knees are getting weak just as this is getting painful to watch.

It's now that you realize Beforus wasn't exactly the paradise you previously thought. No wonder he's so messed up, he's you without a Terezi.

The thought makes you just want to curl up and die.

Latula leaves, thankfully, and Kankri goes back to talking, unfortunately. He's saying words, but you really can't comprehend them anymore. You're overcome with sudden blood lust. It would be nice just to be able to sink your fist into his jaw.

Meenah, Feferi's ancestor who actually likes you for some untraceable reason, comes back and lures Kankri away from you. You're grateful and ungrateful all at the same time. You wanted him to shut up, but now you're left alone with your thoughts, and that's a bit worse than some dry lecture, in your opinion. You would run and find Terezi for some reassurance if your ancestor didn't have this annoying authority over you.

Meenah shows up a bit later without Kankri, and insists that you come with her. You refuse at first, but eventually go along with her. After all, she could lead you to Terezi.

However, it becomes clear pretty quickly that she borrowed you just so you could open a door to one of your memories. You really don't want to, but this Feferi is hard to say no to. Not because you find her scary and intimidating, which, in all honesty, you don't, but because you somehow…value her opinion of you…?

You said you didn't want to make friends, and this is exactly the reason.

Eventually, you confess the password, but she demands it louder.

To keep things short and sweet, you give her what she wants.

Once inside, you run off, knowing which memory this is.

**Author's Note:**

> This has been taken from one of my drabble series on Fanfiction.net. I'm going to be moving some of my stories over here, mainly those that pertain to Homestuck since that basically makes up half of A03.  
> Also, there's an interesting story behind this piece. I was writing this at work with my laptop and I had to set it down so I could let this kid in. He runs over to the sign-in list and while he's signing in he leans over and reads it.
> 
> I nearly scream.


End file.
